ARE YOU WHERE YOU WANT TO BE IN LIFE?

ago

Now that I'm pretty advanced in my pregnancy (I'll be 6.5 months along next week!), things are getting real. The baby room is starting to come together, I find myself wondering about whether or not the baby's eyes will be similar to ours, I'm mildly freaking out about giving birth ... - you know, the usual. :) Apart from my struggles in the beginning, it's been a pretty smooth ride thus far, and I've actually really been enjoying these past couple of weeks, feeling our little one have fun in my belly (just as you guys told me!). And as it goes, this calmer phase has given me the time to finally process the impact that this baby is going to have on our lives. I'm fully aware it's totally impossible to even begin to assess this, because there are just so many unknown factors, and I have to admit - as a natural born control freak - that this scares me a little bit.

 

 

I've been trying to pinpoint this lingering feeling that I've been having, and I guess it comes down to this: I've always been really happy with my life. And no matter how thankful and excited I am for this baby, there's a part of me that wishes I (biologically) would have had a bit more time. As I'm in my early thirties now I technically had a few years left before entering the age zone when it can be a bit more challenging to conceive (as my doctor told me), so we decided to not take any risks and go for it now. I got pregnant much faster than we anticipated (which was such a blessing!), and I had kind of expected for my life not to change that much - at least not in those first few months. So when everything was turned upside down in an instant, it took by surprise.

I feel like I've worked very hard to be where I am right now. And luckily, I was brought up with the idea that a girl should pursue her dreams, no matter what. But as I was turning 30 I felt this dilemma hanging over my head. I was talking about this to some friends the other day, and this turned out to be a common struggle (always so nice to have that we're-in-this-together feeling, right??). Even apart from the baby thing, hitting 30 can be such a scary event, causing waaay too many nagging questions: am I where I want to be in life? Am I doing what I always wanted to do? Did I see all the places I wanted to see? Did I date all the guys I wanted to date? And the worst one: did I settle for less? That's the thing about reaching an age where society sort of expects you to settle down: all of a sudden there are all these ultimatums that you didn't anticipate. 

 

 

This is not an easy thing to address, and while I might look back on this piece once the baby's here and laugh at myself, right now, I'm really determined to keep reaching for the stars, in every single part of my life. I've always been the most proud of the fact that I created this business from scratch, based on nothing but my intuition, and I'm just not willing to let that part of my personality go - 30+ or no 30+, baby or no baby. I often hear people talk about life getting in the way of their dreams, but I just don't want to ever feel that way. As long as I'm healthy, I want to explore the world, grow my business, fall down, make mistakes, and learn from them. And I guess that's also my biggest wish for this little baby of ours: that he'll pick up this fearlessness that I've been trying to maintain my whole life, and that it'll make him think of the world as his playground, rather than this big scary place he could never imagine to make his own. All things considered, that would truly be the biggest blessing of all.

 

How do you feel about this? Any of this sounds familiar? Have you struggled with the ultimatums that seem to come with your age? I'd love to hear! :)

 

Pictures of Carrie Bradshaw & SATC cast

Add new comment

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • Web page addresses and email addresses turn into links automatically.
The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.

Comments

Zo leuk om eens zo een posts van jou te lezen... Sinds je zwanger bent is het net of je veel dieper vanuit je hart schrijft en dat raakt echt! Heel mooi verwoord en heel mooi geschreven Sofie!
Je gaat een fantastische mama worden en je babytje heeft zoveel geluk om in zo een mooi gezin geboren te mogen worden!

PS: weet je het geslacht al? ;-)

xx

Your post really inspired me. I'm 25 and trying to get everything I want out of life by working hard, being passionated, learn,.. But reaching for the stars is not easy, however I never want to feel (again) that I don't like my life. I like how you handle it. ;-)

Dat je met gemengde gevoelens jouw leven ziet veranderen is heel normaal.
Alles is nieuw, dat gaat allemaal vanzelf gaan, alleen een beetje aanpassen.
Maar het mooiste moet nog komen, geloof me.
Als je dat wondertje ziet is al de rest al minder belangrijk.

Thank you so much for that post! I am really struggeling at the moment and I hope that all that chaos which came with those thoughts will get in order somehow soon. The last 10 years all I cared about was - yes - myself and my career. And also I was quite successful with that I am far away from beeing done. I love my job and my life as it is. But now everyone around me is getting married or pregnant and somehow I started to wonder if this would be something I want... and this thoughts really scared me and got me confused, because everyone is expacting that that is what a girl wants. But what if you just don't know if you want all that? Am I not normal? I have decided to free myself from all that expectations and begin to trust and believe in myself again - because I always have known what is right for me despite what other people said or expected.
So yes, your thoughts sound pretty familiar to me :-)

Hi Kessi! Thanks so much for sharing this! I'm 100% sure there are lots of women who are feeling exactly like you, and I totally agree that the only thing that matters is following your own path - whatever that may be. That may be difficult at times, but it's the only thing that will make you happy in the end. :) xx big kiss